We're Pregnant.....with TWINS!

 

2020 had one last big surprise in store for us, we learned we're expecting TWINS on December 28th. It was such a surreal moment. We are so excited (and slightly terrified) and feel so lucky to have this experience. I can't wait to watch Graham as an older brother and see the bond between the new babies. I know they will bring so much love and joy to our family. I still can't believe we are going to be a family of five, and I am going to be a Mom of THREE. So wild! 

I spoke a little bit about finding out we were pregnant and about the loss we experienced last year in my last post, but I figured I would do a more in depth post specifically about finding out we were having twins since it was such a life changing moment. 

I had changed my healthcare plan with work to Kaiser starting January 1st, 2021 but since I was having so much anxiety about the pregnancy I wanted to get in with my current doctor at Sutter Health as soon as possible. Even though I knew I would be changing doctors for the remainder of the pregnancy. I was supposed to go in the week before Christmas, but they ended up calling and having to reschedule for December 28th, just before the year ended. It ended up being a blessing that I was able to squeeze in that first visit before switching to Kaiser because Sutter was allowing partners to come in for ultrasounds where Kaiser didn't allow anyone due to Covid-19. (Andrew JUST went to his first appointment with me at 28 weeks)! I am so thankful that we were able to be together for that moment. 

Our appointment started out as expected. When the doctor pulled up the ultrasound we saw the baby and were able to see the heart beating. She took measurements and the baby was measuring right on track at 9 weeks. It was special and a relief seeing the little heartbeat and knowing everything was okay after having had the miscarriage. It felt like a decent amount of time that Andrew and I were able to look at the monitor and soak it all in, I'm sure it was at least 1-2 minutes. The doctor was trying to get a photo to print for us, but was having trouble. So she reached down to fix the printer, then had to readjust the ultrasound wand. As we were watching the monitor when she was going to print the photo, we saw who turned out to be Baby A pop into view. It was very obvious to me and I knew exactly in that moment watching the screen there were two babies, and our doctor said "Oh! You're having twins!" It was SO surreal. Both Andrew and I just starting laughing. I was already teary eyed from before but the laughter and shock of that moment I welled up even more. I had never even considered the possibility of two, so it was a complete shock! Looking back it's funny, because with Graham I remember being caught off guard when the doctor looked during our first visit and said "there's just one baby" which was shocking because I hadn't considered the possibility of two. In hindsight, it's funny to have that memory then end up with twins this time!   

The doctors office was very excited because as it turns out that doctor was a twin Mom as well. As well as an old partner who moved to Kaiser and is now my current doctor! They gave us a copy of the photo and wrote "twins!" at the bottom. It's the best picture we have that clearly shows two babies. I think both Andrew and I were in a state of shock and disbelief. There was so much running through our heads. For me it was the newborn stage and feeding two babies, lack of sleep, and being out numbered. For Andrew it was logistics like needing a larger car and bigger house. The first thing he said when we left the doctors office was, "now we have to pick two names!" Which by the way, we still haven't decided on names, it's clearly the hardest part for us! 

After the doctor appointment, we headed back home where Andrew's Mom was with Graham since she was still at our house from Christmas. We had just told her a few days prior we were pregnant and then had the big twin news to share. She was so shocked and excited! Next we called my parents on FaceTime. I asked my Mom if they wanted to see the ultrasound picture, I know it's hard to tell if you don't really know what you're looking for, but I thought my Mom might. I started slowly pulling the camera view back so you could see where the doctor wrote "twins!" at the bottom of the photo and right around that same time my Mom realized she was looking at two babies! My parents were SO excited, especially my Dad. It's such a special thing to experience, plus his Mom was a twin so he liked that connection too. It was a very exciting and fun way to share with them. After the initial excitement, my Mom said she had actually had a dream a few weeks prior that I was having twins! She didn't want to tell me and freak me out, isn't that wild? My Dad said the thought had also come to him but not in an actual dream but he thought about it. I thought that was pretty crazy since it never even occurred to me. It felt so good to share the news and excitement with our family, and feel their excitement for us. 

Even 30 weeks in, it's still so wild to me knowing we are having twins. It probably won't feel real until they're here. As time has gone it's become less overwhelming and more exciting. But in the beginning it was a lot to take in. Previously I hadn't been nervous at all. I felt confident, and knew Andrew and I could handle the newborn stage together and make it through everything like we have with Graham. But knowing there were two babies, all those first time mom anxieties and fears crept back in. So many unknowns. I especially had a lot of fear and emotions around nursing and feeding them based on my experience with Graham. I'll go into a more in depth post all about breastfeeding, but I've decided that this time around, I'll be able to determine what is best for both the babies and myself when it comes to nursing. If it doesn't work for us, I am perfectly fine exclusively pumping or formula feeding. I can recognize that my mental health is a huge factor in the scenario, which is sadly often overlooked when it comes to the topic of breastfeeding. 

Now that we're getting into the final stretch, and I'm beginning to get that nesting urge, I'm really excited. I have been buying sweet little matching outfits and it feels like everywhere I turn there are twins. I know it's such a special and unique experience to have twins. I cannot wait to watch their bond and see them grow, and watch Graham as an older brother. He's excited and talks about the things he'll teach them, and how he will help, I know my heart will burst when I see it. There will be a lot of difficult days and I'll be tired for years, but thankfully my Mom is close by to help. They say it takes a village and I know we're going to need one now more than ever. I'm also lucky enough to have a couple very close friends with twins who have been amazing at giving advice. I still can't believe that my college roommate, the reason I ever met Andrew, had a son, then 2.5 years later twins. And now here we are in the same situation. I'm sure she's sick of all my questions already. It has been invaluable having her. Knowing I can speak honestly about things I'm feeling and fears I have, and she truly gets it. She doesn't judge me at all and offers great advice that is specific to our situation. For that I am SO thankful! 

So, I hope you're all ready to join us along this journey with twins! I like to say that we're going to be the Magliozzi Circus! It's going to be a wild ride, but oh so sweet. 

Let's Catch Up!

 

A lot has happened since I have posted and I wanted to catch you up and document things here so I have a place to come back and revisit this time. I'm pretty sure only 5 people read my blog and I'm related to almost all of them, so this is mostly for me. But time and time again, I find myself wishing I hadn't given up on blogging, so I've decided to release all the pressure to be a "blogger" or "influencer" and post only for a creative outlet and what makes me happy.

*trigger warning, miscarriage...*

Shortly after I stopped posting last fall, we found out we were expecting and were so excited to grow our family. It was a really bright spot during an otherwise really difficult year. I'm not sure if it was intuition or what, but I found myself taking a pregnancy test every day wanting the line to get darker (not something I worried about at all with Graham) and unfortunately, I miscarried early on at about 6 weeks. It was really hard to understand especially after such a smooth pregnancy with Graham. I felt very alone and like I couldn't talk about it, or mostly didn't know how to talk about it. I did have a couple very close girlfriends who have also experienced a loss so that was invaluable having their support. I really only mention it now in case one person reads this and feels less alone, and like it is okay to talk about and ask for support. It was a really confusing and emotional experience for me. I felt like I couldn't be sad because I do have a healthy, wonderful toddler, when so many women continue to struggle to conceive at all. It was hard to unpack and understand all the feelings I was having. I tried to just believe that my body knew what was best, which did help some. I placed a lot of hope in the fact I was able to carry Graham and that I would be able to have another successful pregnancy. 

My doctor said we needed to wait at least one cycle before we could try again to let my body recover and reset. And just before Thanksgiving we found out that I was expecting again. This time, I was mostly just filled with anxiety. Worried each time I used the bathroom I would see blood, or question any little cramp or twinge. I was so anxious to get to 8 weeks so I could see the doctor and know that everything was alright. Basically the first several weeks I just held my breath and waited for the other shoe to drop. I did notice more symptoms right away than I remembered from my pregnancy with Graham. We had Thanksgiving just the three of us because of Covid, and I cooked the full feast because I'm a sucker for tradition. I felt like I got ran over by a truck for the following few days after standing in the kitchen so long. The same thing happened again around Christmas. Just pure exhaustion. I took that as a good sign, but again didn't want to get my hopes up until we had an ultrasound. 

Of course, my doctor ended up having to push my appointment out a week, so it wasn't until I was 9 weeks along that we finally got to go in. It was a day I'm sure neither of us will forget. I'll do another post with all the details, but we found out not only did everything look good, there were TWO healthy babies. Thankfully, at that doctor Andrew was allowed to come in with me even with Covid, so he was there the moment we found out. We were both so shocked we couldn't stop laughing. It was so overwhelming, all the logistical pieces that go through your head. My Dad's mom was a twin, so it feels like a special connection to her that I will experience raising twins. 

By now, I'm already 30 weeks along and everything is going well! They're both growing at the same rate and will hopefully stay put until at least 38 weeks! Besides some lower back pain which I've been able to manage with chiropractic care, I'm doing pretty well. The second trimester was especially good to me. I can't believe how fast it's going, and how much left we have to do to get ready! More to come on pregnancy! 

Since until recently we were still pretty isolated due to Covid, there haven't been a lot of other updates. In early March, Andrew and I were so thankful to both get our first dose of the Covid vaccine. By mid-April we were both fully vaccinated and my anxiety around events and seeing people went way down. I realized how much it has been weighing on me and it feels SO GOOD to have a light at the end of the tunnel and getting closer to our old way of life. Especially family and friends, we've so missed that. Thankfully the majority of our family and friends are also vaccinated, so it feels safe to see them again. I am so thankful for the scientists that worked so hard to create these vaccines and thankful for those who I've followed the past year that answered my questions and gave me confidence in the vaccine, especially getting it while pregnant. Knowing that the twins will be born with antibodies is such a peace of mind, plus they'll continue to get it through my breastmilk. 

Another recent big change is that Graham started preschool. It's been such a transition and way harder for me than I expected, but he's doing great. Our friends that also have twins with an older son suggested we get him all set up in a routine at preschool before the twins arrive, and I knew it was a good idea. Until the morning after I dropped him off his first day, I had no anxiety or worries. But as soon as I walked back to the car I cried. Then I found out he was having a hard day and crying for me and I was a total wreak. Crying in my office all day wondering if we made the right choice and how we'd make it through this transition. After only two days, he was totally fine and loves "real preschool" and is doing very well. Even going potty at school all by himself! Of course, after only three days he brought home a cold that turned into a mild ear infection he passed on to Mom. Thankfully Dad stayed healthy and managed to care for all of us for a few days. I'm sure it will take a while for our bodies to get used to those preschool germs. 

In the midst of all this, we've also been house hunting during the most insane housing market in years. We've put offers on over 10 houses and lost many to cash offers even at about the same offer price. A few were especially heartbreaking in our favorite neighborhood and after writing letters to the seller pouring our hearts out. We really wanted to be moved and settled by now, but are still keeping our eyes out for the right place. I really struggle with looking back with regret which I know doesn't help, but we passed on a few houses last Fall when we first started looking because I was being very picky. And of course now I'd do anything to be in those houses! For the price we could have paid at that time. Now we'll be getting a lot less for our money, but hoping to still get into one of our more desired areas. But it's looking like that might not even be possible. It's been an extremely exhausting and emotionally draining process and we often want to give up. But we also want to feel settled and have a place of our own, especially knowing this market isn't going to change soon. I'll be sure to keep you updated if we have any exciting announcements, but so far it's been mostly one disappointment after another.  

So I think that pretty much catches you up on all the big updates from the past 6 months or so. A lot of BIG changes for our family. Looking forward to connecting more! I have several posts drafted and a ton of ideas for things I want to write about.